The Ones You Care About Will Hurt You the Most

Perhaps it is just me being a over-sensitive artist. But I can’t think straight if my brain is full of emotions and thoughts. So, like blowing your nose when you have a cold, I’d like to blow my brains onto this blog (got the visual? good :))

A really good friend of mine recently said some not-so-nice things to me and so I’m whining about it on my blog. Pretty sad, right?

Actually, if it were anyone I didn’t care about, it would have just rolled off my back and I would go on with my day. But this is someone I respect, look up to, and care about personally, so it hurt pretty deeply.

Now, words are words, nothing more nothing less. It’s entirely possible that he was lacking in sleep and busy at his super-important job and was simply too cranky to deal with his crazy musician friend.

What was said exactly? Simple words. Only 8 if I count them. Anything I report will be completely out of context, but here they are regardless: ‘You are selfish’, and, ‘you will never grow up.’ These tiny words hurt like hell and will bother me for the next few weeks.

I pretty sure both are not true. Well, I am selfish in my own way, everyone is; but that’s not the type of selfish he meant. Selfishness is so subjective anyway. Are you selfish for following your dreams? Can be. Especially if you are ignoring the rest of the world in pursuit of it. Unless they come true, then you’re just special. Is the guy who works 20 hours a day at his high paying job to to support his wife and kids selfish when he buys a nice car? Is he selfish with his the majority of his time which is spent at work (instead of at home)? See, pretty subjective. Too many other factors to consider to get the full picture.

Saying I will never grow up is usually a joke, and sometimes a compliment, but not in the way it was used. Surviving on a minimum budget in a foreign land and studying full-time in order to learn the language, while continuing make games and music in my free time, and holding a decent blog at the same time, could be construed as childish I assume. Perhaps if I were a really-real grown up, I’d drop it all and get a real job. At least I’d have my free time back. And people would stop telling me to get a real job.

But I’d probably be a lot less popular at cocktail parties.

To be fair, I have a pretty sharp tongue sometimes (and I can curse like  sailor, and I don’t brush as often as I should…), yet I always apologize sincerely when I misstep. And this guy has a track record of his mouth running faster than his mind, so I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt.

Just to make sure, I told him I was a bit hurt at what he said (even if it made me look like a wuss). He ignored me (again, he’s probably super-busy) and then said ‘good evening’, which is the type of good evening which is anything but.

He’s also the type to never apologize for anything he’s said, so I guess I will just have to suffer until time takes it’s course.

Or… screw that? I’m tired of people I call friends who make me feel guilty for taking time out of their busy schedule to talk with me. I’m taking time out of mine too. If you’re too busy for your friends, then perhaps you need to reevaluate.

In any case, if you’re feeling like crap because of something someone said, just know that you aren’t alone. There’s plenty of us 🙂

The Lazy Man’s Way to Tokyo, Day 16